10) Yes ... I want you to tell me when I say the wrong thing in front of everyone and no one else catches it.

9) To avoid shark attacks: Dive with a briefcase. Shark may mistake you for an attorney and leave you alone out of professional courtesy.

8) Hiccups underwater? Hold your breath.

7) A dive computer will do all those calculations for you.

6) Don't worry what those gauges say...you'll KNOW when you're out of air!

5) Wear gloves on every dive. That way, when you're going hand-over-hand on the coral, you won't cut yourself.

4) Spit in your suit to get warm and pee in your mask to defog.

3) If you take Viagra it will increase your lift.

2) Always remember to empty your tank before surfacing. Waste not, want not.

1) If you have good eyes, you don't really need a mask.